So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
