it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
