She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
