Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
