You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
