What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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