I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
