Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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