The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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