we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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