either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
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