There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
