I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
