i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Randomize
