i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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