bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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