I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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