Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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