I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Randomize
