my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I still have a little drunk in my system
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
