STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
