I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
