I'm going to rape someone's good day.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
