I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
