I just threw up on my dentist
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize
