You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
