porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
