giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
