you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
