I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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