Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
