Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
