K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
