my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
