I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
