Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
