Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
