I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
