Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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