Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
it was like having sex with a tree stump
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
