You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
