he thought i was a dude.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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