If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
