she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
