We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
