I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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