at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
