I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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