Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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