South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
