The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
