pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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