Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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