I wish I could teleport
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
